We used to be really really close last year until i became close friends with 'her' as well. But now we arent so close. I try to put in the effort but i dont see where it is leading. Sometimes i feel as if we are closer but then other times i feel really distant to you. I want to turn back time to how we used to be. i miss our close friendship. and sometimes i feel as if you only talk to me when you need to. i miss the way things were a LOT! And sometimes i feel neglected? like you dont care. like even though we are supposedly close, you dont really talk to me that much unless you have to. and like you only ask me stuff when you have no other choice. Its like im your back up plan. if someone else says no or what not like they cant come or something then will you ask me. its like you only ask me when no one else will say yes or what not.
its like:
u:hey come come!
person a: sorry i cant.
person b: aww i cant come sorry.
person ?: .............
u: since no one will come or what not, maybe i should go and ask iris.
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you know, you sometimes make me feel like crap. like i dont exist.
but other times, i love you for who you are and im so glad to have you as such a close friend. but i dont feel like that often anymore. we hardly talk nowdays.

my response:
i admit it .
we definitely were really close last year, and when that whole incident started happening, everything i said about 'titles', i really did mean it. but then eventually, even though i gave her the title, you said that we'd still be best friends. but i felt rejected. not only that, but worst of all, i felt replaced. do you know how crap i felt about the whole situation? i lost faith in my words, because you weren't following through with yours. from there, our relationship went downhill. and then that whole other situation happened. to be honest with you, lots were against you. and majority of them were talking to me about it. do you have any idea how hard it is, to hear all this crap being b****ed about your best friend? do you understand how emotionally hard that was for me? and i did want to talk to you about it. but you were already upset with your own situations, and that's all you wanted to talk about. and so i kept it to myself. and that's about the time i decided to not show m feelings to anyone. you also said in an earlier comment, number 19? what you said about insecurity, and especially this line: Im scared that they are going to leave me like you left me. at one stage that's exactlyhow i was feeling. do you remember how you responded? "you're overreacting". those two words actually had a huge impact on my selfesteem . truthfully, a bad impact. and because of everything that's happened, it's resulted into me bottling my emotions up. you say that i go to you as a backup plan. i guess, in a way, that's true. but my plan a is just myself. i've told you before, i don't talk to anyone about things like this. i just think it through myself, and if i'm realy having trouble with it, i go to you. so technically, yes, a back up plan. but reassure yourself, you're still the first person i go to. and your example? i dont recall anything like that happening =/ the reason i'm saying this through blogger is because i've been wanting to tell you this for a hell of a long time, but, everytime i see you, you're just looking too happy . laughing away with others, and why would i want to ruin that with all this crap? dude, i still care heaps about you. you're my best friend for crying out loud. i hoped this term, i wouln't have to talk abut stuff like this. i hoped i could secretly rebuild our friendship . but this is the only time you'v come straight out and told me what you're feeling. i guess we're both cowards . but the fact we don't talk a lot? i don't talk a lot to anyne in general. the reason i'm always away from the group is because where i go to, that person makes me feel like she cares for me. when im with the group, i just feel ignored . like there's a circle, and i'm not included into it. because i don't enjoy that, i'm often findng someone else, because i like to feel good about myself. and so maybe that's why there's not a lot of time to talk to you. but how often do you try to talk to me? i'm not blaming you for anything. this is just a piece of what's been kept in my head and heart for a long time. i told you i'm not good at things like this; a tear just rolled down my cheek . and when i talked to you, asking for advice, you didn't really give advice. you just gave your opinion, and when i said what i thought, you straight out disagreed with me and made me feel stupid. and so that's why i preferred getting advice from him. but now, yea, i keep it to myself. that way, only i'm affected. and it's better that way, isn't it?
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because sometimes all you need is a good cry

12:05 AM ·